Paradox

The single most useful word for all I know of ministry, and I assure you it is not much, is paradox.

The paradoxes you face in the jungle are many -

When you do your job most effectively, it seems you are not doing anything. When you effectively provide training, formation, and support for leadership it seems as if the teen and adult leaders are managing everything.

The teens view you as ancient while the parents and other adults view you as little more than a youth. As a young adult who without the aid of 'grown-up clothes' and appropriately applied make-up can be mistaken for a high school youth, this is a particular paradox for me. On our last trip to World Youth Day I was mistaken for a younger sister of one of the youths. Of course the hotels most definitely corrected themselves when they realized my signature was required for payment. Just as paradoxical is that this grey zone of youth and age is a good place to be.

The most profound paradox is that when you do that which is the essence of ministry, you feel like you are being completely useless. One of my youths was hospitalized for some serious surgery. I was able to visit the day after the surgery and felt like it was useless. However, I know that the most valuable ministry is that which is of being a presence. By placing ourselves in the midst of pain, grief, the very grittiness of life we become real for the youths. We become a presence of God if we allow him to move in us. Though we may silently hold hands, utter soft prayers, offer what comfort we may, these moments are the moments that God can truly move through us. When we don't know what to say, we turn to God. In return he does guide us so that we may be a presence for the youths. As much as I dread the next phone call telling me of a crisis, I know that in that moment a gift is being offered.