Parental Control

No, I have no interest in my thoughts of that charming show.  Rather, I ran across this article in the Christian Science Monitor, "Key to Stemming High School Dropouts: Parents."

Two comments on this.

1.  Communication with the parents is absolutely essential.  Any publication on youth ministry worth its salt will have this somewhere in its pages.  However, do we really follow through?  Do we take the time to make the calls, send the letters?  Do we promptly return parent calls, emails, and letters?  With the exception of when I have a day off or am traversing the globe on the latest harebrained-why-was-this-a-good-idea-pilgrimage/service-trip, I hold myself to a strict 24 hour max on any delay in returning communication.  Even if I can't answer the question, I call back to say I don't know but I am working on the answer and will get back to you (I fill in a reasonable amount of time here).  None of us like to be kept out of the loop, so why do we do that to parents?

2.  Parental involvement.  Dangerous words.  Just about every youth minister can point to their train wreck moment when a parent volunteer caused massive amounts of damage to their ministry.  I had the joy of my train wreck being all of four months into the job.  However, I did not let this stop me from having parents involved in the ministry.  I simply did a better job from that point on in vetting and preparing volunteers.  Five years in, I'm still on a learning curve for this.

Side note - youth ministers, don't get caught up in your bubble of ministry, youth, and all that is church.  Remember that wisdom can come from unlikely sources so keep your nose in non-church media.  

Headscarves and Bibles

Two articles that I ran across yesterday gave me pause.  

The first was Generation Faithful found on the New York Times website.  Here is an interesting article that discusses how the Turkish young people are living out the typical call to rebel, by returning to their faith.  Now some could argue that this breeds extreme ism. Yes, that does happen.  however, it also breeds young people who the pursue life in business, science, medicine, education, and families that are grounded is firm moral and spiritual roots.  Thoughts of the justness and righteousness of an action are weighed as much as the ability to complete the action.  Is this not a good thing?

The article took me back to my freshman year of college.  I lived in the all girls dorm.  Due to it having the largest rooms and best cafeteria.  Plus it was a great location, next to three of the buildings that housed most of my classes given my areas of study.  Anyways, also in the dorm were a cluster of girls I had been good friends with in primary and secondary school.  One had moved somewhere in the middle school years.  The other two remained in my circle of friends throughout high school.  When the four of us discovered we all were in the same dorm, we began to have regular meals together.  An odder set you likely would not see.  Fatima was becoming as involved int eh Muslim student group as I was in the Catholic student group.  Another friend, from Taiwan, was Buddhist, but mostly secular in her beliefs.  Then there was the eccentric one who was raised sort of Catholic but was heading down the atheist path.  Especially Fatima and I would have constant conversations about our faith and how that influenced our lives. She, like the girls in the NYT article, chose to wear the headscarf.  Her mother did not, I believe.  She saw it as a sign of her faith, as a sign of her choice to live according to that faith.  I understood.  I wore my cross daily and a Miraculous Medal with it.  We shared stories and found strength in each other's faith.  Both of us were parts of a faith that was predominantly led by a male hierarchy.  We were both trying to be faithful in a secular university where professors and students didn't always respect our choices.  We both were singled out by professors due to the physical signs of our faith.  I remember being verbally attacked by a philosophy professor due to my cross and medal I wore.  Petrified at the time, I now see that as a valuable life experience.  Fatima helped me through some of those freshman year challenges.  

The second will have to wait.  I need to get into the office.

Little Things

Let me share a great piece of wisdom with you.  It's all about the small things.  The small things will either keep you going or drive you nuts.  

Sample of today's small things:

1.  In a moment of clarity while at a store's close-out sale, I saw those plastic disks you put on the bottom of your furniture to make the furniture "move like it was on wheels."  After a year of shoving the couches around the youth room (they are those really solid wood 'crate' style that could kill an elephant if dropped incorrectly), I had the epiphany.  "I should buy these things."  After rooting around for the last two for solid pieces, sans wheels, I stuck them on the couches.  A huge sense of accomplishment.  I dropped the couches on their backs, stuck those little things on, and then righted the monstrosities again.  Now those couches move without scratching the floor and without breaking my back.

2.  Here's one of those small things that has driven me nuts for a while.  I accidently bought scented dry erase markers.  The combination of dry erase chemicals and cherry, orange, and grape leaves me with not so fond memories of children's medication.  Oh well, I refuse to waste them, so here's hoping they dry out soon.

3.  I am reading the kids one of my favorite stories, A Tale from Paleface Creek.  This was a book given to me by the author, Bishop Robert Morneau of Green Bay, WI.  It is a fantastic reminder of what is important in each of our lives.  As it was a gift when he spoke at a conference I helped organize, the lesson on being too busy of a beaver was appropriate.  It is just as good of a message as I am a too busy youth minister.

Well, I'm off to review my notes for tonight.  As biblical literacy is a huge focus in the youth ministry this year, tonight is on the parables with a chunk of time on the origins of the Gospels.

Lessons from Australia

I am sitting in our youth room due to my normal office being rewired.  Plus the paint fumes from the front parish offices is quite annoying.  I am glad to have this retreat.  The silence is only interrupted by the buzz of one of the lights.  (Soon to be replaced as part of our electrical system upgrade - more energy efficient light bulbs which I guess need a different socket - project for later next week the electrician told me.)

It is full fall weather here.  Chilly mornings dipping into the 40s while the afternoons see balmy temperatures into the 50s, maybe low 60s.  This was the same weather we faced in Australia for World Youth Day (WYD).  Being chilled, I found myself staring at my scarf collection.  Searching for one that I could wear with my fleece and use as a shawl or scarf while sitting down here, I pulled down the one I bought in Melbourne.  Yes, I must admit I took a cluster of my kids to the mall in Melbourne.  While we had been very prepared, the area had a cold snap accompanied by nearly constant drizzle or mist.  Very reminiscent of England for me.  It seeped through you and left you chilled just about all day.  Our trek to the mall was a side trip on our walking tour of the city center.  We trooped in to purchase additional warm wear - hats, scarves, gloves.  A couple girls bought think tights to layer under their pants for added warmth.  Smart girls.

Another rule of youth ministry crossed my mind at this point - no matter how well prepared you and the youth are, you will be unprepared for something.  This was not a major hindrance, but it was miserable some mornings as temperatures hovered around 45 degrees and the drizzle and grey skies lurked.  But this was a blessing in disguise.  On the superficial side, instead of tossing money away on items of little value, intrinsic or sentimental, the youth purchased practical mementos in the forms of the Days in the Diocese hats or scarves.  Host families gave the kids items from their own closets and insisted the kids keep them, as host parents and grandparents feared chilly temperatures for us in the following week in Sydney.  The weather and the trek to the mall made for great memories.  We huddled together as we waited for trams.  We learned about Aussie Rules Football from the avid fans leaving a game as we journeyed home on the tram.  We were humbled by the graciousness of our hosts.  We recognized our interdependence on others in our group, our hosts, and the strangers in the street.

This ties into the other, possibly most important rule of youth ministry, be flexible.  Or as the colorful sign my friend gave me for my last birthday says, "Improvise!"  Our daily plans changed according to the weather.  When we couldn't adapt our plans, we changed our wardrobes.  We changed our routes so the kids could find hot cocoa or coffees to stay warm.  

A combination of that preparedness and improvisation is one of the greatest tools I strive to foster.  The kids are amused by my immense preparations - the envelopes of contact info, health forms, maps, first aid kit, duct tape.  Parents appreciate it as they know that they have as much information as possible and we, the adult leaders, are as ready for what comes as we can be.  However, the real world does not exist in a vacuum.  Personalities, weather fronts, mechanical difficulties, health concerns, road construction, and all the other variables add up to keep us on our toes.  Being able to take that preparedness and retool it to work with a new set of circumstances is crucial.

It even helps on the days when the parish offices are in disarray.  I do not have access to my work computer, voicemail, file cabinets, or card stock.  However, I could put files on a flash drive, create new files and save them to Google Docs, work on the blogs we use to plan Sunday youth group.  I have been able to have fully productive days even though I am cut off from my normal office environment.  Some of my coworkers have struggled with this as they are less mobile, less tech savvy (not that I am worthy of employment at Google or Apple), and a bit less practiced at improvisation.

Between Two Jungles

Keeping with the contrived theme of the blog, I have been caught between two jungles.  Beginning with the summer months and really continuing now for the next year.

A short summary of the conflict isn't too easy.  There were things mentioned over the summer - tragedies in the lives of my closest friends, travels to see family, and the like.  Now, I am also facing the fact that my brother is deployed to Iraq.  It has taken a toll on me and my ministry.

Most noticeably, the personal issues manifested themselves in one of the nastiest head colds I've ever had.  Likely worsened by the chaos of the first three weeks of youth group and the very early youth retreat, I was down for the count most of last week.  As it was last Tuesday that my brother left for the Middle East, it left me physically and emotionally wiped out.  Apparently, some people also have noticed I am not quite as upbeat or, as one of the school teachers put it 'chipper', as I normally am.  Again, a major component of this is my brother, a smaller portion, exhaustion.

All of these have led to some minor revelations and practical changes.  The simplest is that due to the cold, I have finally gotten back into a normal sleep pattern and a sufficient amount of daily sleep.  Granted last week I was napping for a significant portion of the day, but it has carried through this week in so far as I am getting around 7 hours of sleep a night.  Not bad for a youth minister.

All the worry, stress, and sheer quantity of work, family issues, and the like has led me to a better prayer time.  In the way of so many before me in the Catholic faith, when my own words fail me, I have turned to the Rosary.  I know I am praying for my brother's safety, safe return, my family, and all those I know deployed.  However, I do not know what to pray for in regards to helping them in the day to day life in Iraq.  I also thought and reflected on the power of Mary's intercession.  If ever there was a woman who had no control over the events and dangers surrounding a loved one's life, it is Mary.  Her intercession cannot harm my prayers.  I have also been spending more time reading my Bible.  On the days that I have not had to head into the office until later, I also have picked up the book, A Pilgrim Pope.

The combination of sleep and better prayer time in the very early morning are leading me into a more solid routine to my day.  This helps me to place things in perspective before being inundated with the massive quantities of email, phone calls, drop-ins, mail, and other business of being a youth minister.  I also hope it will help to center me so that the coming year does not overwhelm.

By really focusing on a rhythm to life, I am able to get back into habits that the chaos of the summer and the stresses of early fall pushed to the side.  I am again reading voraciously.  Currently I am utterly engrossed in A Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin.  To read something that is unrelated to ministry or the Church is incredibly helpful.  On a less cultured note, I am also enjoying watching the DVDs of the first two seasons of Heroes.  Mind you, it is no West Wing, but it is entertaining.  I also have made time to cook, whether an Indian chickpea recipe or Pumpkin bread, the creative, relaxing activity is immensely helpful.  Plus it makes my condo smell wonderful.

As much as I have joked about how I have no regular pattern to my schedule, I am seeing how incredibly necessary it is.  I skated through the past five years, probably based on my youth and sheer force of will.  The added responsibilities professionally and personally will not continue to allow that.  This will hopefully be a much better balanced year.

Wise Men

This time of year is a peculiar one.  There is an air of relaxation, informality.  Others in the parish office are on vacation.  Kids message me from beaches, camps, basements, and living rooms sharing their excitement or boredom. 

 

I find myself already in the very deep planning for the coming year.  The calendar is set.  Topics are chosen.  Action plans discussed and decided.  Research and background reading begins for those topics I'm not quite comfortable with yet.  Paperwork, photocopying, stapling, sorting, stopping for the bandage for yet another paper cut.  Calling to make reservations for picnic shelters, putt putt golf, and retreat centers.  Updating websites, creating new blogs,  and adding to email lists.

 

While hectic, slightly overwhelming, this time is a mixture of the familiar, the new, and even a bit magical.  The new ideas float around all the leadership.  The excitement of new freshmen joining the group buzzes through the youth.  The reality of the chaos of the year has not yet caused me to push aside the well thought out plans and lofty goals.

 

This year we are trying some new things.  Our Sunday Youth Groups are being based on the Lectionary readings.  This means our topics derive from what that Sunday's Mass readings contain.  I've gone through September so far in detail and found plenty to work with so I have great hopes for this.

 

Our Wednesday night Bible studies will go off of other books in the Bible as they used to be on the coming Sunday's Gospel reading.  Our first book to tackle will be the highlights of 1 John.  A personal favorite and no one in our leadership had any other preferences. 

 

The fall retreat is quite early which means I only have two weeks of 'normal' youth group before we go.  That will be a challenge, administratively, but I think there's great advantage to it.

 

We are moving some things to the web to help (hopefully) reduce planning meetings.  I set up blogs to help plan our Youth Groups and Bible studies.  Here's hoping that it works.  The leaders need to form the habit of checking the blogs, but it is the price to pay for shorter leadership meeting.

 

With all the work, all the aspirations for the year, I oddly find myself thinking of the three wise men or kings.  Yes, they shouldn't be showing up until January, but the new year makes me think of them.  So little is known, thus leaving my imagination to fill in the rather gaping holes in their stories. 

 

I would like to think that they did not really know what they were doing when they followed that star.  Yes, they knew how to read the stars; knew it was unusual; divined that a king was come.  But I don't think they knew to expect a king in a manger with a mother no older than the girls I work with here.  Yes, they knew how to survive the journey.  But I don't think they expected the company.  After all, would not a king or a great wise man wish to make as grand an impression as possible? Why then would he choose to travel with two others that could diminish his grandeur?  Yes, they brought gifts fit for a king.  But I don't think they knew how fitting they were for the small babe in swaddling clothes.

 

These men, with aspirations, hopes, and an idea where they were going found themselves lost.  Their plans failed.  They were surprised by companions, the babe, the angel.  They returned a different way, changed.

 

Each year, I start with my plan.  I know who is on leadership, I know what to expect.  Then come the freshmen, then comes the new volunteer forms.  Then come the crises, the normal ups and downs.  Then come the moments of grace and devastation the teens experience.  The plan changes.  The leadership team changes.  I drop my expectations.

 

Each year I turn that page of the calendar from May to June and with it comes the realization that I, too, have changed.  And it is as it should be.

When Loves Collide

Last night was the meeting where our young adult group hashes out the quarterly plan of events.  Imagine my joy when a longstanding member, who apparently knows me well, offers a fantastic suggestion for November 4.  The difficulty with that day is that we want to have our usual Tuesday night meeting, but as it is election day, most young adults have to head to the polls after work.  Thus we need to find an activity that is easy for people to drop in after the official start time.

So when it was suggested, "Hey, why don't we have a West Wing night? You can pick the episodes and we can discuss the issues in them." I nearly fell on the floor in delight.

West Wing was a sacred show for me.  I never, before or since, have been as avid a viewer of any show.  The combination of great characters, amazing bravery in tackling issues, and often even incorporating faith issues got me hooked.  I look forward to deciding which episode(s) to show.  I've already got a few floating in my mind that would be good ones...

..."The Supremes" - a good one with Glen Close that looks at the powers of the Supreme Court, compromise, idealism, healthy dialogue, and that glass ceiling my mom did her paper on for her MA.

...An episode with the Judge Mendoza character - shows immigration issues, prejudices, what do we value in the justice system.

...One of the key episodes discussing the ramifications of Bartlett's MS - Should McCain be elected, his age begs questions of how would we deal with an ill president, what should the public know, how should power be distributed.

...One of the episodes dealing with Zoe, Charlie, and the threats made on the lives of those in the White House - As my mom pointed out, should Obama be elected, there will be those that due to racism or other prejudices will be violently displeased.

...The episode done in response to 9/11 - this episode was brilliant, in my opinion.  It brought out the underlying prejudices and presumptions even the educated have in regards to Arab Americans.  It dove into the historical, political, and ideological differences involved in our current world struggles.  Plus, it gave Stockard Channing a beautiful piece.

So I shall continue to ponder, have an excuse to spend a lazy Saturday watching West Wing DVDs, and join my two loves of ministry and West Wing...even if it is just for one night.